Wrong Way, Go Back!
from The 2003 IDEA Instructor of the Year: An Insider's View On Eating Disorders

Editor's Note:It can happen to the best of us. Keli Roberts is a highly acclaimed fitness professional and former high fashion model. Who would have believed she had an eating disorder of such magnitude that she became suicidal? In the wellness world, professionals are busy tackling the epidemic of obesity, however, we need to be sensitive to the polar opposite end of the scale, the Anorexics and Bulimics, and recognize the signals and the treatment. Keli used fitness, a healthy diet and a well-balanced lifestyle to overcome her personal battle with anorexia and bulimia. In this article she opens her heart to help other women that may be suffering from this dreaded self-image, and be an example for all to follow, here is her story...

I learned the hard way that leading a healthy lifestyle and being well are the most important things in life. This was a painful process. In my recovery from a devastating eating disorder I learned to deal with my problems head-on. I discovered that my eating disorder was a giant smoke screen for many other issues I would later come to terms with through 9 years of therapy and medication.

While in the throws of my eating disorder I had 5 suicide attempts. I wanted out and didn't want to face my life, and thought that I would never recover. My eating disorder ruled my life. I had no control over the way I ate or what I did after eating, and I would vomit several times a day. It was compulsive and obsessive. I woke up in the morning thinking of food and my weight, and obsessed about it all day. I went to bed promising myself that tomorrow I would stop. Tomorrow never came.

"I believed deep down that I had to have a perfect body for people to like and accept me. I trained for at least 18 hours a week."

During those twenty tortuous years I had periods, even quite long ones, when I was not vomiting. Unfortunately I was not 'cured'. I was over-exercising, under-eating and was still completely obsessed about my weight, my body and exercise. I had no confidence, and I believed deep down that I had to have a perfect body for people to like and accept me. I trained for at least 18 hours a week.

Having survived a very serious eating disorder, I look back and remember that the physical, mental and emotional agony was a living hell. At my lowest weight of 43kg (about 95 lbs.) I still thought I had fat legs. Sticking my head down the toilet and vomiting everything in my stomach several times a day became a ritual and an expression of the pain I felt inside. The suicide attempts and continuous suicidal thoughts were with me for years on end; I hated myself in the deepest sense.
"Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman, and today they weigh 23% less!"

The Role of Fashion Models and Movies
Today many young women suffer from eating disorders. Fashion continues to use drastically underweight young women as role models, and vulnerable teenagers have no realistic healthy way to compare themselves. Let's face it. There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only eight who do! For example, take a look at Marilyn Monroe. She wore a size 14. Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman, and today they weigh 23% less!

While there are many causes for eating disorders, the fashion industry and the media certainly don't help. A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at fashion magazines caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty and shameful. Movies, TV, and magazines all portray unrealistic images of women, so it's no wonder 25percent to 35percent of college-aged women are engaging in bingeing and purging as weight management techniques. Nearly one third of female college athletes report practicing diet abuses such as self-induced vomiting, bingeing and taking laxatives, diuretics and diet pills.

A 10-year study conducted by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders found that seven million women (and one million men) in the United States suffer from anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa . Women are up to 10 times more likely than men to have poor body image according to the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health. According to one American study, approximately 80 percent to 90 percent of women are preoccupied with their weight, and almost 40 percent are perpetually dieting due to dissatisfaction with their appearance. Anorexics are deliberately underweight. They eliminate whole food groups and will commonly have eating rituals. People with anorexia will also often abuse laxatives, and limit eating to only very low-calorie foods such as celery and diet soda. They have dressing rituals, and are always cold due to their metabolism functioning in starvation mode. With an overwhelming fear of food and getting fat, anorexics have a distorted body image.

The main problem in working with anorexics is the level of denial and defensiveness when questioned about their weight. When you can control your appetite, you feel in control of everything. After all, eating is a primal need! These high achieving individuals are perfectionists, and being emaciated is the ultimate goal.

Bulimia
Bulimics are much harder to recognize than anorexics. They are often height/weight proportionate; however, there are other signs that signify problems. Binge eating, purging by vomiting, or laxative abuse are trademarks of a bulimic. Extreme mood swings and a negative body image are also signs. Blood-shot eyes, swollen parotid glands and face, and a preoccupation with food, diet, eating and not eating will also be indicative. Individuals suffering from bulimia will also be depressed, but often less defensive than an anorexic. It's hard to deny that there's a problem when you're sticking your head down the toilet every time you eat something.

Both anorexics and bulimics will frequently have menstrual irregularities. This can lead to serious health problems due to the loss of bone density caused by low estrogen levels. Osteoporosis is a serious problem for women who have been severely underweight and amenorrheic for long periods of their life. Many anorexics starve themselves for so long that their bones become brittle, and they develop osteoporosis.

"Exercise abuse is common in anorexics and bulimics… Working out becomes their primary mental and emotional focus."

Exercise abuse is common in anorexics and bulimics. They feel anxious when an exercise session is missed, and are obsessed with their bodies. They typically lie about the amount of exercise being done. The obsession with exercise takes over their lives. They become anti-social, and train despite injuries and through fatigue. Working out becomes their primary mental and emotional focus.

The Female Triad
It is common for exercise abusers to suffer with the Female Triad. These exercise abusers suffer from a combination of three coexistent conditions associated with exercise training: disordered eating, amenorrhea and osteoporosis (Hobar and Smucker 2000). The Female Triad is most common in athletes that participate in sports that involve having a lean body weight, such as long distance running, gymnastics, ballet, wrestling and ice-skating.

Compulsive eating is the most common of all the eating disorders. Compulsive eaters eat for reasons other than hunger, and will eat past physical fullness. They will eat continuously or have periodic binges, and will excessively participate in activities involving food. Compulsive eaters frequently start and stop exercise programs, and will try anything to lose weight. Depression and social isolation is common in compulsive eaters.

My recovery is nothing short of a miracle! After struggling for years, I am no longer obsessed about my body and food. I am able to eat when I'm hungry, and leave food on my plate when I'm satisfied. I have a healthy attitude towards eating and my body, and most of the time I have a positive self-image. Of course, I'm not perfect, and I'm not certain if I will ever be totally cured. When I am in a stressful situation, old thought patterns resurface and I start to think, "you're fat". The difference now is that I know it's not true. After years of recovery I like who I am, and I have a healthy respect for where I came from. I can proudly and thankfully say that though I was once headed the "wrong way", I have learned to "go back"……the right way.

About the Author
Keli Roberts is a fitness educator, trainer and the award recipient of the 2003 IDEA "International Instructor of the Year". As a continuing education specialist, Keli conducts seminars and workshops worldwide.

Keli offers workshops and master classes on specific muscle conditioning programs, Indoor Cycling, Rubber Resistance training, Resist-A-Ball, BOSU and Body Bar integrated training. Her workshops have taken her to Italy, Japan, Hong Kong, Brazil, Australia, France, Switzerland, Canada, Israel, the United Kingdom and throughout the United States.

She is the ACE Los Angeles media spokesperson. She's also a certified ACSM HFI, ACE Group Exercise, ACE Gold Certified Personal Trainer, AFAA, ISCA, Can-Fit-Pro Certified Personal Trainer Specialist and Fitness Instructor Specialist.

Keli is originally from Australia, but moved to the United States in 1989 to pursue her passion - Fitness! She quickly became one of the most in demand private trainers in Los Angeles and garnered a huge celebrity clientele that included Cher, Kirstie Alley, Jennifer Grey, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Russell Crow and Faye Dunaway, to name a few. Her step classes also attracted many A-list names such as Julia Roberts, Annette Bening and Jennifer Beals.

In 1991, Keli choreographed and appeared in the award winning video, Cher Fitness…A New Attitude, which brought her worldwide recognition as a fitness expert. Subsequently, Keli has designed, choreographed and starred in over 28 videos. Keli's newest videos, Strong Bear and Upper Body Burn will be released in January 2005.. Keli also choreographed Kathy Smith's kickboxing video and Co-starred with Italian Olympic Gold Medal skier, Alberto Tomba, in two videos on ski conditioning, in Italian.

Keli is also a successful author. Her first book, Fitness Hollywood, which was published in 1994 by Summit, received glowing reviews as a comprehensive guide to training and nutrition and is now in its fifth printing. Stronger Legs and Lower Body, Keli's new book was co-authored with Linda Shelton is on Human Kinetics best seller list..

Keli has been featured in Shape, Elle, Fitness, Self, Ms Fitness, American Fitness, Allure and many international publications as well. Additionally, Keli is a featured instructor on the award winning TV series, CRUNCH Fitness, on ESPN. She can also be seen on Target Sports Training, a TV series for the Health Network that she co-hosts with Carey Bond. Keli also starred in the reality show Music Farm, shot in Italy, training Italian music celebrities.

Currently, Keli is a Tier 3 Trainer at Equinox in Pasadena where she teaches classes and runs the Group Fitness program. Her training involves working with pre and postnatal clients, post physical rehabilitation, stability training for alignment and posture, weight training and cardiovascular training for weight loss as well as stretching and sports specific circuit training.